Reverb 5: Let Go

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I haven't let go of anything. I have steadfastly not done anything of any major significance this last year that anyone would be able to term creative or innovative. I have endeavoured not to cast off the shackles and heavy weights which stop me from moving, developing and enjoying life, and have grown to accept and love them for what they are - an integral part of my being.

Indeed I have tried very hard to cling in desperation to the things that mean a lot to me. For example each time I swing my son around by the hands I am petrified I will let him slip. Equally I have tried very hard to hold onto other things such as relationship, friends, job, sanity, and sandwiches.

Yes, sandwiches. Chip sandwiches. Or chip butties as they are properly called.

You see, even when the bread is a bit old and starts to break up I will always try to get a good bite before the chips start to spill out the side. People say I am mad. They say "Paul, that chip butty is a mess. Throw it away and start a new one." But I try and hold it together for a bit longer, to get the last good bites of vinegary potato bready goodness out of my fist and into my mouth before the whole thing collapses.

Maybe it is foolish of me. Maybe I should move onto something different. Try using wraps. Pitta bread perhaps. If I was so inclined I may just say to hell with it, and just go and eat my bread and chips separately. Who knows - it works for some people. I've seen it with my own eyes. In posh cafes and in other foreign parts. They seem happy enough. But are these people really that much better off than what I is?

Anyway, enough butty talk. If you really must know, here's what I have really let go this last year.

• My hair (it just started running away)
• My eyesight (bloody computers)
• My health (bloody lazy-arsed me)
• My sex-life (too many reasons to go into here)
  

Next year I may well have to add self-respect, what little confidence I have left, job and money to the list.

And if I do ever lose my ability to enjoy a good chip butty - somebody please shoot me.